crazy things

there are certain crazy things I would really like to do, one of i really really feel like doing it… but the outcome… no one knows… so I think I’ll just stay in the unknown…

when you’re just wandering around

yup.. i’m wandering around with a lot of things in my head…

Ironic

Wow.. 2 weeks ago I posted why I wanted to stay in church..

And now.. I’m harboring thoughts of leaving.. how ironic… total bulls**t..

probably I’ve said something wrong? hmm…

dying…

I’m dying… spiritually…

Boring…

I kind of don’t feel like posting anymore… no one’s reading anyway. LOL

I should’ve

sigh

I think I should’ve just went back home straight just now…

sigh… 😦

143

well.. yea.. 143.. not my cg number.. haha

but i bought 2 games and altogether it costs $143.. 😛

Starcraft 2 – $90

Marvel VS Capcom 3 (PS3) – $53

Thinking…

Been thinking, why is it that recently, people seems to have pushed their priorities in God (eg. going to cgm or services) down to like probably their last few choices.

Example – CGM or services have become the source of time-killing activity if no one is asking that person out.

I’m not trying to say that those with valid reasons are in here too, but when I mean valid, I mean it’s REALLY VALID.

Example – gotta stay in the office for OT last minute, or gotta stay back in the army camp last minute due to some problems.

You probably must be wondering, why I’m suddenly talking about this thing.

Honestly speaking, I’m not targeting anyone I know, so my friends out there, don’t worry, I’m not talking about you. It’s just that I’ve heard a lot about such things recently, I can’t help but share what I’m thinking now.

I myself have been through the period where I go to church is just to ‘kill time’. Seriously. But that was when I’m in my previous church. I’ve been through it, I know how it feels, I know how one would think if going to church is seriously just a kill time activity, I know the thousand and one reasons to give just to not attend cgm or services when your outside friends have asked you out and it seems more appealing than going to church.

By the way, I’m not trying to start a debate with the non-christians here, so please don’t get me wrong.

Let me share with you why I chose to go to church.

1) The presence of God and His love is just too strong for me to deny it that it’s not there. The way I re-dedicated my life back to Christ is simply supernatural, and all the miracles and things and blessings that I’ve seen for myself for the past 4 years. Honestly speaking, I do feel like giving up sometimes, after all I’m a human being, but after experiencing so much, how can I even bear to leave?

2) I have a wonderful cell group leader that has been there whenever I needed her. I know probably she won’t be seeing this, but, I’m really thankful for this wonderful cgl I have. She is none other than Xiu Wen. I’ve known her since 2007, she was the one that gave me salvation bs, and we first met at cck mac. Guess that this was all part of God’s plans, she became my cgl in the end. I’m really honored to be her guitarist for the past 3 years. Seriously, who wouldn’t want to be the guitarist of a great woman of God? every praise and worship she led during cgm is just filled with the presence of God. And because of me being her guitarist, our friendship grew stronger from there. Many a times when I needed someone to talk to, like my own family problems, when I dropped out from school, she’ll always be there to encourage me and pray for me, even though that she may have even bigger problems to deal with in her own life.

I came from a family with little love showered upon me when I was young, which in turn made me became quite an introvert and low self-esteem person. Through her love, care and concern towards me, I can say I’m starting to be better, even till now.

3 times I tried to leave the cg, 3 times I failed. Especially during the 3rd time where the situation is the worst, I really thank God that He showed me the way back to the cg. I wandered around like a lost sheep, but in the other cg, I just couldn’t find the atmosphere of love that w143 has. I’m not saying that other cg are not good, but probably it’s not what I’m looking for. In the end, I went back to w143 and shared with Xiu Wen the 2 reasons why I decided to stay. 1st was that I feel that I’ve made a pretty strong friendship bond with her, and I can totally flow with her super well in praise and worship, I feel that it’s no point for me to go to another cg and create another bond there, and also that bond may not be as strong as this. 2nd, I felt that God is telling me that there’s so much more I can do for the cg, although I didn’t know what it is, but I just believed in God and stick it through.

There’s basically a lot more things I can say about her, but these are probably a few that impacted me the most.

3) I’ve had the best group of friends when I’m in the usher ministry.

What more can I say? Group 16 is.. I would dare to say the loudest and the craziest group of people in the whole church, before we got regrouped. The friendships forged will not be separated even though the reshuffling. Made a few really good friends there, as in those that you can share your secrets with, and a lot more friends that is not just purely ‘hi-bye’ type, but we really do make the effort to hang out with each other, enjoying each other’s company etc. Great leaders that impart into our lives weekly that helped us to grow so much that made us who we are today. With this kind of environment, who would bear to leave? seriously?

4) The one that brought me to church – Ben Chan

This guy, this year marks the 7th year we know each other, and believe it or not, we didn’t start off as friends. LOL

But really gotta thank God that he chose to listen to the Holy Spirit to invite me, if not all of the above wouldn’t even have happened and I won’t be saying so much stuff. Anyway, this guy has literally become like a brother to me. A close brother, one that would just hang out and chill with each other no matter what, one that you can share everything in the world without even holding back, one that can be there to pray with you when you needed it the most. Truly, this guy is the guy I probably can’t run away from. The promise we’ve made to each other, because we stay near to each other, that is why if anything happens, the other party can’t run away from either one.

Well, this is pretty much the few main reasons why I stayed on for so long, even though the thoughts of giving up would just keep appearing here and there, but because of these few reasons, it is why I chose to stay on and fight for so long. So for the people out there, I believe there must be a reason that has kept you for so long till now, probably it’s just that the problems just seems to stay and won’t go away. Just keep persevering and I believe you’ll reach the end of the valley soon. 🙂

For those that does not know how to prioritize, trust me, putting Him first is the correct choice. I’ve put Him first and sacrificed quite a few fun things I used to do with my outside friends, like sports etc. But God has given me back in ways I can’t even imagined, so trust me, putting Him first is definitely the right choice.

Well, that’s all I’m gonna say, the decision is up to you. Ciao

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jumbled up

once again for the Nth time… imma do a sum up since like ……………. i don’t know…. lol

this is for last year:

got a iMac (this is super random)

don’t like the vocation in my NS i got into

celebrated countdown with ben’s cg, instead of ushers… (wow… lol)

this year:

chinese new year didn’t really had the mood to celebrate it… sigh.. kinda too quiet

promoted as 2nd ic despite me being like one of the smallest intakes, and thanks to my big mouth to invite unnecessary problems.. (but i still feel it’s kinda God’s plan..)

bought a ps3 cos mainly my mum wants to watch blu-ray discs. (i’m serious!!)

church moved to suntec!!!! yay!!!!

served 1st time in suntec after church moved in like a few weeks…

met up with my ‘boss’ (Abby) for ice-cream!!

already took like quite a lot of leaves and offs…. don’t know if there’s any left in the 2nd half of the year… hmmm

well. let’s just skip to easter shall we.

on fri mum just suddenly called me that she’s at suntec already when i was planning to leave after the 1st svc… in the end i u-turned back to church.. lol

in the night went to ben chan’s house to worship the Lord, good session!! then played fifa then slept.. tired!!

served 2nd time in suntec, and the first easter drama in suntec!! well, i still gotta say this… there’s like a lot of ushers activated for one service!!! i know there’s a reason behind it, but it’s looks kind of funny though.. haha

sat just went to the service and just went to enjoy it. learned a new card game brought by Alan called ‘saboteurs’. quite fun though, maybe should get one and teach the usher gang how to play. hahaha.

well… i’m just going to enjoy my off tomorrow, and see if anyone asks me out, if not i’m just going to play games at home. lol